Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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