White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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