would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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