I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
