I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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