You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
