Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize