There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
