your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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