Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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