omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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