all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize