It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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