we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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