This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
