Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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