Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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