we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
