She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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