The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
