I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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