she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
