Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
