I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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