Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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