Plan B is the new Plan A
Acid is not a monday night drug
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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