the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When did angry sex become our thing?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
