Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
