Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
