I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
