did you get engaged???
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
