its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
