I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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