we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
In America we eat man semen.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize