So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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