So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
