dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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