God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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