I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
