there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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