Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
