It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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