I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
