Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
