Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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