96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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