i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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