If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize