my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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