OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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