I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
