what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
