never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
