I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
