thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
