goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
