Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
