i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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