Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My vagina is officially offended.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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