Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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