Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize