Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
