I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
