I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
