I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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